The General Assembly - a fine fickle beauty?

 Another day and another question arrives to make my brain ponder… it does help I am on holiday…😉 

Is it the powers that be that are unwilling or unable to change?

 

There is much in this question and doubtful if I could do it justice here. It is a great question often asked and for sure let me admit my own complicity in perpetuating its underlying premise. 

You see on the one hand powers that be have power because we give them power. And yet on the other hand, in Presbyterian style, they believe we hold the power. How often it is said that the General Assembly can help or hinder yet many commissioners feel powerless with most decisions already made? It is a catch 22 of our own making. And one we seem unable to unlock despite good intentions. 

My mother says of me that if there is an easy way or a hard way to do something I will choose the hard way! I get the same result, I just didn’t make it easy! Perhaps a way to understand the problem is the conversation over hybrid meetings. The counter motion was raised about reviewing how successful/useful the hybrid element of holding the GA was and to bring the review to the GA2023. Regardless of the outcome of the review the 2023 GA should be in-person only. The mover of this motion was trying to be helpful and indeed his counter motion opened the floor up to feedback very well. All of us have an opinion on the hybrid setup whether we get it or not. 

Nevertheless it is a perfect example of how we hamstring ourselves. The review had to come to the next GA and it must be in-person only with future years possibly hybrid should the review suggest it. Why? Why do 600+ people need to sign off on the review? Can such a review be done, a short paper made available to the interested tech geeks (eg posted on the GA 2022 follow up webpage when such a thing appears) and a decision made without it needing to return to the GA floor first? 

Therefore, the powers that be is more often than not a mythical creature known as the General Assembly, a fine fickle beauty whose mood is elusive and outcomes often pedantic, occasionally joyous, and perhaps exploited by those with inside knowledge. 

And that meandering tour of power leads me to change and indeed our ability to change or not.  We adapt but rarely do we change. It is far easier to adapt because that requires only incremental change.  Change happens but in small ways; a day less, the use of videos, even the use of zoom and hub were adaptations not change. 

Currently some of the most influential voices in the change happening in the church will not be responsible for its outcomes, even its success or failure. They will have retired (or have already) whilst others try to navigate their vision and its consequences which if we are honest is also a repeated cycle. Again a power imbalance and a hereditary issue long in the making. Each generation wants its opportunity to leave its mark or legacy reflected in many institutions and congregations. And let’s not forget we are not the only membership driven institution to be struggling in this era. 

For change to happen arguably we need to listen to the voices of those who will pioneer, who will hear God’s voice calling them to another place and be willing to up sticks and go. The ones who will have to live with the change, lead the change, and guide institution into a new era should be the ones who carry the most influence now. 

Yet most of them are silenced for they are neither seen nor heard.  As was repeatedly stated our inability to change our working practices or structures excludes them.  Nor will they self select because they don’t see themselves reflected in the key decision making groups. Whether we like to admit it or not we will repeatedly put a grey haired white male in the hot seat of authority, and easily justify the choice. To be fair many of them are lovely and indeed talented faith filled people. But kind of like a kidnap victim gets Stockholm syndrome, those who stray too close to the epicentre of an institution - well let’s just say they become embedded within it. Plus it is hard the push something over from the centre. Much easier from the edges…so do we really want to put the pioneers of change in the centre? Hmm…

Truly for power to be asserted and change to happen we need to embrace the generational characteristics of now and tomorrow. 

What if we had more faith in the ‘other’ and saw the strength in collaborating and sharing decision making? What if we did pick a 40-something over a 60-something? What if instead of national committees/forums holding the floor of the GA, the presbyteries presented the work of the wider church and the General Assembly was a place of power sharing and resource management! 

We, me, hold the power and we choose how to use it. Maybe the real change will happen when we take the power back and  are resourced not controlled by the centre. There must be a reason why Jesus said ‘take nothing except that which you wear’. 

Until then we will adapt but not change, survive but not thrive. 

My Apologies to the General Assembly!

My Apologies to the General Assembly 

One of my colleagues asked the question about how we felt about the General Assembly now that the dust had settled.  This question has been reverberating around in my head since and although I posted a reply to his question I found myself still in a quandary. 

So for what it is worth in the grand scheme of things I apologise.  

I apologise for not managing my expectations. 

I apologise for being so slow to comprehend the true nature of Presbyterianism. 

You see what I want the General Assembly of the Church of Scotland to be is not something I control or indeed have much say over as a Parish Minister.  I might, if I am one of the fortunate ones, say something that will have a lasting impact.  But rather like voting in the Elections what I want and what I get are not necessarily the same.  Although I would rather vote and therefore be able to legitimately moan about the outcome. 

What is the purpose of the General Assembly?  And will those who reflect on it, in particular the Assembly Trustees who hold the overarching vision, mission and power feel it met its objectives? 

Looking back, much of what was communicated was ‘business’ - the inner workings of the organisation which as a charity we have an obligation to fulfil.  Yet we all know that the reading of the blue book of reports is rarely achieved by the masses.  And some of the reports were too technical for those not financially educated whilst others contained internal workings so very important yet questionable why they needed GA approval and couldn’t simply be part of management of staff and volunteers.  (And yes, I know office holders and all that jazz).  For the majority of the General Assembly it is just a big business meeting…and not a conference.

What do my congregation think is the purpose of the General Assembly?  To be fair I haven’t asked mine so this is a generalisation! A holiday in Edinburgh for the minister.  A jolly! A waste of money and resources.  A talking shop.  Inspirational - the Guild and the Guild Big Sing always gets a mention! Paperwork and instructions, more hoops…money, money, money 

Some have high hopes whilst most just giving it a passing nod like any other elected group such as Parliament.  Has it uses but what does it really mean?

What others think is the purpose of the General Assembly?  Over the years others have looked to the General Assembly as a guide to wider society life.  Christianity, which shares many of its ethics with other major religions such as do unto others as you would have them do unto you etc, has formed the culture of law and morals. Nowadays, with a much more integrated understanding of the wider world, culture and technological development, the General Assembly is still influential but on a much more level pegging with others.  And certainly we are a voice amongst others rather than a voice in the wilderness.  Some mourn the loss of the voice in the wilderness whilst others welcome the unity with which we can speak with others.  Indeed for others the wonderful steps taken towards friendship, equality and humility was truly a powerful witness to the love of Christ being for all not just the few. 

What I think the purpose of the General Assembly is?  Well that is truly something I must apologise for.  You see I think the purpose to inspire, enthuse, encourage and bless the whole of the Church.  And I just don’t believe we did that and maybe we aren’t meant to. Is it primarily a business meeting where we share information on a need to know basis or not? And that I think is why the General Assembly often feels like it misses the mark because of that dilemma,  What is the purpose of the GA?  We certainly ticked many boxes, and we certainly had some fabulous milestones (arguably years after we should have!).   We put Conveners on pedestals and make them share a 10 minute speech that somehow encapsulates everything.  And yes for some - definitely more than enough.  Yet our need for good order often outweighs the need for full engagement.  Perhaps for fear of what might happen or what work might be added or just simply running out of time.  (Why can’t we generate work for presbyteries instead of committees/forums?) 

You see I believe some things like the Faith Action Programme needed conference style presentation and conversation.  To be fair, the internet crash and tenor of reporting didn’t help either.   It needed more than a report in a blue book mixed with another report, and then somehow incorporating but not incorporating Faith Impact and Faith Nurture.  Of course I might have just lost the thread somewhere!

 There is no doubting the passion and hope contained nor the need to move forward.  But we were so busy being told what to think and do that the plan/programme wasn’t something shared or given but something done to us, by those who think they know best.  I cannot fault their desire but their style of presentation was locked in a past they are desperately telling us to leave behind.  Reform has to happen everywhere including the General Assembly and the nature of ‘reporting’.  Even the word ‘reporting’ implies done not being done.  

I am a GenX and behind me comes generations of collaborators, thinkers, those for whom culture has shifted and changed with them and by them.  Information is not hoarded or even overloaded.  They scan more information in 5 minutes than the blue book of 10 years ago could hope to hold.  Words are limited whereas visuals are far more important.  People are ‘judged’ not on their look or sexuality or belief but on the way they treat others.  Our milestones over friendship, ecumenism and the same-sex marriage will have a lasting impact on them more than anything else.  

For now I return to my congregation, indeed my massive presbytery and wonder whether we will just keep ticking boxes and managing decline.  Or will we find a find a way to inspire, enthuse, encourage and bless the world because we are God’s people, indeed his Church?  And will the General Assembly one day do the same?  Lord, I hope so.   

Who is my Herod?

 Today is Epiphany - the arrival of the Wise Men at the feet of Jesus.  By now the Christmas decorations are down and ‘normal’ service has resumed whatever that means these days!  But it is actually a season of light.  Having followed God’s Light we are called to be light, helping others find God who is always closer than we realise. 

Readings for today included Genesis 6 (the beginning of Noah’s story) and Matthew 2:1-12 (The Wise Men).  Reading these two passages together reminded me that the world has always been messed up yet still God enters.  Originally from a place of anger and disappointment but yet a change of heart because of Noah.  Then the Wise Men arrive via Herod, again showing how corrupted we can be as humans.  Made me think of that quote - ‘All that is needed for evil to thrive is for good men to do nothing.’ 

Sometimes we think there is no power for ‘little people’ yet our Scriptures reminds us again and again that is those who have no power who hold all the power.  With God we are powerful because his grace is perfected in our weakness.  Those who are NOT desperately trying to hold onto power are more open to God’s power being made evident in their lives. 

For example, the Wise Men could have returned to Herod and receive the power, the status, the praise, the kudos from Herod.  But they didn’t.  Instead they went home by another route. They didn’t need Herod to affirm them. 

And that makes me ask - Who is my Herod?  

Where do I seek my power, status, kudos from?  

And if it comes to it am I willing to annoy my ‘Herod’ and live with the consequences?

Even Noah had to put up with a lot when people didn’t understand why he was building a giant boat in a desert. 

And yes - the majority of us have a ‘Herod’ in our lives - that person, organisation, employer, politician that maybe we will need to stand against…

Following God is not easy and sometimes people will laugh as they did at Noah yet Noah changed God’s plan because he was a faithful good man in an evil world. 

Sometimes our decisions will have unimaginable consequences but doing the right thing is more important than any short-lived glory. 

We can make a difference especially when we think we can’t! 

Lord, help me focus on you and your leading that I might honour you with my life.  Amen. 

May your light shine bright my friends! Remember God loves you and he knows you.  Love Sarah 

(If you want to join me in worship you will find me by looking up Moncreiff Church, East Kilbride.  We have online services on YouTube and Facebook.  All are welcome.)

Remembers…Forget…Car Crash!

 When I do right…when I do wrong

God is sheer mercy and grace;

    not easily angered, he’s rich in love.

He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,

    nor hold grudges forever.

He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,

    nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.

As high as heaven is over the earth,

    so strong is his love to those who fear him.

And as far as sunrise is from sunset,

    he has separated us from our sins.  Psalm 103:8-12 (MSG)

Sorry I am running a bit late with this week’s instalment.  To be honest this week really needs a do-over.  Surprisingly Monday morning I felt light and chirpy and actually kinda excited. And then my car was rearranged on a local, notorious, badly painted lane arrowed roundabout.                     

In my defence I was totally innocent and for the record no-one was hurt, just inconvenienced and angry, scared and shocked. The other driver was in the wrong lane and mistakenly assumed that I would be getting out his way.  So hopefully all being well insurance and vehicles will be sorted out.

However, reflecting on this with a couple of nights sleep now, and the adrenaline rush and side effects passed I was struck by the responses of my family.  Of course immediately supportive and shocked and all the usual.  Yet when I said this was my first accident the chatter immediately turned to - well what about when you spun the car in the wet?  And I’m like; ‘no-one else was there. It doesn’t count.’. Or when you hit the gate Mum - that was just a turning issue through a particularly tight gap stone gate driveway says me.  In fact getting defensive I said ‘well this is the first vehicle to vehicle crash in 20+ years of driving and it wasn’t even my fault.’

It’s funny how when we try and sound righteous, we actually find others dragging us down.  It is like those around us have to dissuade us of our righteousness and take us down a peg or two.  My family meant no harm but I’m sure we can all remember the feeling of going from the righteous to the defensive.  And it made me wonder.  An ex-boyfriend of mine in High School (trust me we are talking decades now) gave me a wee sign:

‘When I do right, no-one remembers, 

but when I do wrong, no-one forgets.’

How grateful am I that God doesn’t do to us, to me what my family automatically did to me.  I don’t even want to imagine what God might say to me in my more righteous moments.  Heavens, I’d be terrified to let my best friend talk freely about my faults, never mind God.  Yet God doesn’t do that.  He doesn’t keep a list of my wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5).  

Our challenge as Christians, indeed as human beings, is to resist the temptation to cast up the sins of others or sap the morale of one another by repeatedly pointing out flaws and failures or indeed constantly criticising ourselves.  Life is hard enough and mistakes are learning opportunities if we allow them to be.  Sometimes we are right but in the wrong place, like the roundabout on Monday morning.  Sometimes we are wrong in the right place like taking a risk and failing.  

God doesn’t look at you and see failure.  God looks at you and sees his child.  We know that our children will make mistakes but we love them anyway. God knows we are human and loves us anyway.  

So, whether you are feeling righteous or a failure - God loves you and he doesn’t measure your worth by your sins or failings or flaws.  He looks at your heart and sees the love, the compassion, the willingness to try again, the faith no matter how small, and he just loves you. 

Now I’m off for my PCR test and asking the Lord if the rest of the week could have a little less drama in it! 

Be forgiven and move on in faith.  God is ahead of you (future) and with you (present), not living in your past like unwanted houseguest lobbing missiles.  And if he doesn’t do that, let’s stop doing it to ourselves and others. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (1 Cor 13:6)

All being well - see you next week!

God bless, 

Love Sarah 

Sometimes you just got to speak…

 ‘But an honourable person acts honestly and stands firmly for what is right’. Isaiah 32:8

Hello and Welcome back! 

It is a curious time. Everyone has an opinion about something and of course we are right. The challenge remains that we can’t all be right and therefore at times even we must be wrong. What is even more challenging is that when we are right and seemly ignored or overlooked we either get louder and therefore annoying or we walk away and think - well maybe I will leave you to answer that. At the moment we are facing the ultra marathon of the pandemic where we flit from option to option as politicians walk the right rope between society and science. We need to live is the only thing everyone agrees on. Unfortunately for all to live something or some of us have to give. Our desire to live as we did overrides the fact we may have to adapt just a little. Then throw in the growing difficulties with deliveries, complicated by Covid and Brexit, never mind independence discussions and to be honest even I’m ready to hide under a duvet and exit it in 2023. (Not sure I’m holding out much hope for 2022 either!). 

I feel it myself. And there are times when I feel there are things that can’t be left unsaid. Sometimes we have to stand up and say our piece. Not to cause trouble or pain on purpose but because to say nothing would be even more unjust. We cannot fight all the battles because no one is able to do that. As I have often been told whether it comes to raising children or ministry or life in general - you have to pick your battles! 

My battlefield may not be the same as yours. And you know what that is okay too. I often think I’m not truly passionate about any cause but I am. My calling is to stand up against injustice, particularly but definitely not only in the church. Sadly Christians can be the absolute worst to their own brothers and sisters. But ask my poor husband and he will tell you that I make excuses for anyone and everyone (except him 😉 ). I defend others constantly. 

Yet in my heart I would do anything for a quiet life. I hate conflict. I’m absolutely terrified of standing up to others. Yet I am more terrified of doing nothing. All it takes for evil to thrive is for good people to do nothing or so the saying goes. 

Yes there are some opinionated souls out there who likes hear the sound of their own voice. Far be it from me to tell you who… However we need to listen to some voices, such as those of the climate change activists. Look how the earth responded when we were locked down. We are a real source of damage and these past 18months should be a wake up call.  We need to listen to the call for gender equality because it impacts on us all whether we realise it or not. The steps forward in places like Afghanistan that seem so vulnerable now reminding us that progress is a fickle beast. We need the ones who stand up to injustice dressed up in political embellishments, where policies are made to look good but are ‘all fur coat and no knickers’! 

The author of Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is a time to be silent and a time to speak. I have often pondered that as I read it again and again.  A time to be silent comes first. I think we need to pick our battles, pray and plan, then speak up. God places on all our hearts a cause to support because his heart is with the poor, the marginalised, the voiceless, the refugee, the outcast and the overlooked, whether through economics or politics, climate or creed, gender or sexuality, power or abuse.  

I get wanting to hide but just maybe this is your time to speak. Don’t be afraid to speak. You might be very surprised who you enable to speak up as well. Sometimes all it takes is for one person to sit outside parliament, to raise a hand at the meeting, to walk away from a toxic situation, to challenge the soapbox speaker for others to find their voice and start a movement.  

After all even Jesus stood up against injustice with words of wisdom or with righteous anger or with loving action.

We have a voice. And currently the freedom to use it. 

Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.  Proverbs 31:9

God bless your silence and your speaking

Love Sarah 

Chatterbox Syndrome

 Hello!

It is good to talk…

I’m an introvert with extrovert tendencies, which is code for I am not an entertainer but I love to talk.  I really do.  I love sitting down and chatting through ideas and falling headlong into all the cliches. Expressions like ‘think outside the box’, ‘comfort zones’ and ‘blue sky thinking’ just float my boat so to speak.  Hence my angst last week at the silence, missing 121 (rarely an expression heard in the CofS), and feeling flat.  (Read last week’s if you want, it is from the heart but might leave you wondering!)

I love finding treasure in scripture and I just want to share them.  I love reading books on ministry and life as I read a lot of organisational culture and psychology type material and I just want to talk it through with others.  I feel like I have been given something exciting and like a child with new shoes or toys I just want to show off. And so for now this is one of my ways to talk. 

I am currently in the exciting land of Isaiah. Okay, let’s be honest it is a tough read. Yet, my word, there are some treasures.  I love the fact there are flashes of texts from the New Testament and I don’t mean direct quotes.  Sometimes though in the doom and gloom, stories of anger, exile, and death we need to find the light.  And there is always light. 

I was really struck by Isaiah 28:16-17, 23-29 (GNB). We read of the solid cornerstone and written on the cornerstone ‘Faith that is firm is also patient.’. True statement but wow, that is hard. It makes perfect sense but patience…Justice is to be the measuring line and honesty the plumb line.  The text moves from a building metaphor to a farming metaphor, and throws in the challenge.  To paraphrase - no farmer keeps ploughing the ground for sowing, rather he gets on with planting.  Through the verses that follow Isaiah is at pains to show how God gives knowledge and wisdom to the farmer so he knows what to do.  And concludes with the verse -‘The plans God makes are wise and they always succeed.’ Isaiah 28:29

As someone who likes to do, who likes to share, who wants to shout the good news from the roof tops, I feel we are constantly getting the ground ready to sow but not moving to the next stage.  The running joke is that God so loved the world he didn’t send a committee.  And the text from Isaiah had me wondering how much I have got stuck preparing the ground?  Is there no harvest because we are not planting?  Are we crushing the new crop with rotas, rules and head stuff, rather than nurturing strength, patiently bringing the crop on? 

Whatever we plant, do, build, as individuals in our homes and communities, and in our churches, it must have justice as our measuring stick, honesty to keep us straight and true, faith that is firm, therefore patient and Christ as our Cornerstone. 

It is good to talk but let the talk actually lead us somewhere.  All talk and no action is like a farmer constantly preparing the ground and never planting.  So what are we planting folks?  God has a plan and the seeds! 

God bless you!

Love Sarah 

Feeling Flat

 Hello, 

Long time no post! Hope you are staying the course…

If truth be told I have been feeling kinda flat at the moment. Nothing is wrong and my life is ‘perfect’ as it can be.  Yet I can’t shake the numbness of time.  I can fake it til I make it.  I can show the wonder, energy etc and I do feel that in the moment but it remains fleeting.  But around the edges I feel flat, going through the motions.  The doctor asked me when my world collapsed a couple of years ago if I was depressed. I don’t think so but I wonder what I am…I am prone to these wells of self-pity and seem to need a little more drama in my world.  Yet I am not sure what I am looking for either. 

I genuinely miss 121 life (Church of Scotland National Offices).  I miss the cut and thrust, the thin lines and the balancing acts.  I miss the energy of ideas and the push and shove of competing passions.  I miss the interactions, coffee catch ups, even snide comments!  The years of engagement have compromised parish life…

I struggle with monotony and everyday ness.  Not because in and of itself it is without merit.  Of course there are times when these are good things.  After all we can’t live with high drama all the time.  But in a pandemic the variety and spice of life and ministry is curtailed.  The pressure of home life that demands my attention as some kind of gendered role keeps me distracted from my discontent whilst also adding to it. 

The model of the parish church misses the mark.  I recently received pity because churches are no longer full.  It was genuine care for me and I was touched but left wondering.  A debate on social media about holy ground, holy space and sanctuaries left me wondering whether we have become so fluid that there was nothing left to hold onto.  Or is that a good thing?

I keep asking God for clarity, for vision, for wisdom, yet like Saul waiting for Ananias I am still blind. 

Lord, I cannot keep doing nothing. 

There has to be more. 

And in the silence that followed the outpouring of prayer shared above came a string of ideas, and a stirring of passion, energy and creativity.  

When I truly start to think what I might do, what my church family might do I feel stronger, confident and the spark brightens.  

And you know the Lord said;

Be present - Be Available. 

At that point this wee mouse crossed the patio and as I watched him I felt touched.  Every minister has a church mouse…he was struggling with the heat of the day and so together we shared an apple and then I released him back into the wild (as wild as it gets in urban EK). 

I don’t know if the mouse is symbolic, but certainly I have never held one or fed one on purpose. And it was precious. 

I don’t know what the future holds but I am convinced who holds mine just as I briefly held the mouse.    

So if you are struggling with the pace of life just now - hang in there and pray.  God hasn’t left us and there are adventures and indeed dramas to come.  

Just dear Lord, let this not be the calm before the storm!

Love Sarah