Waiting: Fearful

Waiting: Fear
As we await the coming of Pentecost, we ponder the fear, the worry, the anxiety of the folks in the locked room.  This is a shortened version of the Sunday sermon, where we acknowledged the reality of mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression, and that I am not making light or comment on those conditions in any way when talking about facing our fear.  Our bible focus was Esther, chapter 4 and John 20 (Thomas).

The majority of human beings are wired to have some fear – fear is part of our risk management system – hence nervousness when we are balancing at the top of a ladder, sitting on an airplane, walking down the aisle. Fear activates our flight or fight response when required, potentially activating self-preservation mode.  To be completely without fear makes us reckless and dangerous.

And yet John tells us not to fear, because perfect love drives out fear.  Fear can cripple us and John writes against that fear.  Worry cripples us because worry is a waste of time.  Worry doesn’t change a situation, it is a passive emotion that is exhausting if we allow it carry us.  Fear that swallows our hope, that breaks our spirit, that makes us hide away, that puts us first – that fear is not biblical or of God.

Esther is afraid – understandably she is terrified.  Her heart is breaking for her people – they are about to be exterminated because one man doesn’t like a Jewish man.  And suddenly, she finds out that she might be the only one who has any power or influence, and she tells Mordecai that if she goes to see the king without an invitation she may be executed on the spot.

Her initial reaction to the situation is one of fear, found in self-preservation.  It is a human reaction, and we can’t judge her for it.  Mordecai pushes back and tells her that she doesn’t have a choice, and perhaps, the reason God put her there is for a time such as this.  It’s quite a thought really – the terrifying situation was exactly where she should be. Nor should she expect to avoid the extermination of the Jewish people just because she is Queen.  Kings really didn’t have issue killing their wives – just ask Henry the 8th.

In the Church there is fear – fear that we are about to be exterminated.  Fear that the secularist culture will win the war. And our first reaction is like Esther’s.  We can’t do anything – the prevailing culture is strong and if we just keep a low profile we will be fine.  However, there are plenty Mordecai’s in our church telling us that we can’t do that.  Mordecai believes that God will save his people and that Esther is the one, but if she doesn’t step up God will find another way.

And that folks gives the Mordecai’s of our Church today hope – because if the people of the Church now don’t step up, God will find another way.  However, it will not necessarily be us who see it.  We might end up like Moses, never entering the promised land, seeing it only from a distance.

What about the Gospel reading?
I love how in the Gospels there is so much human honesty. The disciples really had been through a lot and they had much to process.  The world they had known had been rearranged for them not once but twice, and arguably they were now in their third landscape.  For the majority of them, such as what we know about their normal existence, had some kind of settled path.  They were fishermen, tax collectors, political activists and so on.  Jesus comes along and suddenly they are on an adventure.  An adventure that includes finding out that God loves them, God does miracles, and Jesus is possibly, maybe the promised Messiah.  They travel around the countryside, meet fascinating people, are overwhelmed by people and generally a little mystified from time to time.  They are students yet sent out to try their hand at what Jesus seems able to do with his eyes closed.  And then Jesus is crucified on the cross – a violent, barbaric form of death and the adventure is suddenly anything but fun.

Now we find them huddled together, waiting for Jesus, who died but isn’t dead, who has come back to life not as a ghost, or as a zombie which this generation seems to have a real love for, but as flesh and blood, who eats and drinks and appears in rooms without using a door or indeed a window.

I’m sure we could explore many of the characters in the room but I want to remember Thomas because I think we all know Thomas rather well.  Some of us might be pioneers, able to see beyond the now into the future. Some might be the praying kind, gathering together, praying through the situation.  Others just need to companions in misery.  And others of us are like Thomas, and even if we aren’t we all know Thomas – we hear from Thomas all the time.  Thomas says that unless I know what kind of church we are going to have I can’t sign up.  Thomas says prove to me you know what you are doing?  Thomas says show me your experience in leading in new territory and I’ll follow.  Thomas follows us around and can, if left unchecked, become somewhat annoying. Thomas needs proof.  

What I love about this encounter is that Jesus doesn’t ignore Thomas, nor does he put him in the corner with a dunce hat.  Jesus engages with Thomas and says – come and put your finger in the nail holes and your hand in my side.  Thomas needed to see to believe, and for many in our church today, they need to see to believe.

We might have to face our fears and deal with them, and that will require prayer.  We will have to trust in God’s ultimate plan, and that he will find a way, even if we don’t quite see it yet.  And we are most certainly going to have to take risks.  Esther had to walk into that room and hope that the King would welcome her.  Other fears will be handled by the Lord himself.

Fear is real but it doesn’t have to have the last word.  We can use fear as a motivator, a trigger to move, to make changes, to take risks and when we face our fear we find courage, we find strength and we find peace.  Esther asked the people to pray and then she went to the King and she saved the Jewish people, and was instrumental in removing the man who was their aggressor. Thomas didn’t need the physical touch – seeing Jesus was enough. And we can trust in the ultimate faithfulness and powerfulness of our God to get us from death to life, whatever that may mean for us as individuals and as a church literally and metaphorically.

As we wait to see what will happen, perhaps we need to remember that we will see it only with hindsight.  We are not waiting for the church to change to meet the culture of our day and show them that Christ is risen from the dead.  We are the changing Church.  We are the ones who are being encouraged to leave the locked room, with the peace of Christ filling our souls.  We are the ones being enabled to step out in prayer and face the kings of consumerism, materialism and secularism, remembering that God is there ahead of us.

Is our fear motivating us or crippling us?  This week, pray for the Church – for Blantyre Old Church and for the Church worldwide.  Pray for our witness in this part of the world we have been given to care for and nurture in faith.  Pray that God would make his peace known to us that we might embrace the future with confidence and a brave face, trusting God to be there before us.

God bless you this week and thank you for reading!
Love Sarah

Next week – Waiting: Hope

No Jesus - No Point

Holidays are always a time where I catch up some much needed rest and generally stop chasing my tail for a week or two.  After some very enjoyable sun in Tenerife, it has been back to work, planning an outdoor Messy Church event as part of a Praise in the Park event, and an evening service around the Practice of Holy Listening.  However, in the midst of this, there has been those good intentions that once again rise up from a place of rest.  Time before the holidays became about ticking the next task off the list, meeting the varied demands and balancing family life, whilst engaging at different levels with Holy Week.  After the holidays, I live well again (for a time).

At our Sanctus service I will be focussing on John 21 - a post resurrection narrative that is one of my favourites and yet makes me uncomfortable (in a good way). I won’t be telling people what to take from it, that will be between them and God. But for me, as I journey through this time in my ministry, wondering where God is taking me, John 21 is a timely reminder that without Jesus there is no point. I can go through the motions, I can plan the programmes, I can beseech ‘my people’ to get onboard, I can be the life and soul of ministry (interpret that how you will) but without Jesus there is no point.

Like the disciples in the boat that night, ministry can feel like a pointless struggle.  The nets are in the water, the conditions are just so (after all in my parish 30% are undeclared or no faith) yet what worked before to fill the nets is not working.  We go through the motions but become more and more dispirited as nothing seems to be happening.  The disciples in the boat are confused, battered by recent events and missing the regular company of Jesus.

It is only when Jesus is included that fish are caught and suddenly there is plenty.  Enough to eat and sell, and in that moment, Peter leaps to his Master’s side.

However, after breakfast, Peter and Jesus have that conversation upon which many a sermon has been written, and I’m sure this reflection is nothing new.  But sometimes there is merit in saying it again - no Jesus, no point.  It is in loving Jesus that we find purpose and direction.  It is only in Peter’s declaration of love that he receives his call.  Loving Jesus has to come first, for only then will our call, my understanding of ministry, make any sense.  Without Jesus, without loving him, there is no point.

Just remember, Jesus showed his love first (in this story) by giving the catch of fish that led to breakfast and fellowship.  He didn’t need to do that, he could have just called them in or waited for them to land dejected and disappointed.  He didn’t - he gave them more than they needed, such is the generous love of our God.

Perhaps, it is when we are ready to throw in the towel that we are most open to the power, love and generosity of our God.  Rather than go through the motions, doing what we have always done, perhaps we need to listen for the call of Jesus and do what he tells us, knowing that love is the key.

Read John 21:1-19 for yourself.
God loves you! What is your response? What is my response?
God bless,
Love Sarah