Broken Optimist
I called myself a 'broken optimist' this week after my heart broke under the weight of the institution. It generated support from colleagues (thank you!) and stimulated another blog thread on the nature of optimism. To be honest it felt like a kick in the nuts as if somehow my pain was inconsequential and it was my own fault for being an optimist. How to hurt someone already hurting! However, he is a respected, trusted colleague and his blogs challenged me to really ponder.
What do I mean or think I mean by being an optimist? I haven't read up on the meanings of optimist or pessimist. I just go with the flow. For me being optimistic is a hopeful outlook. A belief that all will be well, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that change for the better can happen and so on.
This week that died and perhaps, perhaps, his blog cemented that and gave an opportunity to realise what I was avoiding all along. Reality. Optimists, according to his research, cannot truly accept the grim reality and infers we cannot deal well with pain and grief when change doesn't happen. I may be doing him a disservice here but it's what I understood and initially I felt offended.
Nevertheless, I am no longer an optimist nor am I a pessimist for surely the same argument exists. Instead I fully accept the grim reality that change in the institution is not possible. We are doomed by the very thing I wore so proudly until this week - optimism.
There is too much optimism and not enough reality in the institution. We believe that we will be able to fix our situation. Reality tells a different story. Reality tells us that we will continue to decline and waste our resources. We have done so for years and have yet to truly grasp the reality that we are far too big in all directions.
Reality hit home this week and I know that optimism is the crutch that hinders not helps. And for the first time in a long time I feel a burden has been lifted. No longer do I fear the future because no longer is my identity or ministry locked in an institution or some naive optimism all will be well.
Instead I embrace reality and follow Jesus down the narrow path, knowing God's church will always survive but as what…
‘For I know the plans I have for you…’
No comments:
Post a Comment