Ministry Reflection - Broken Optimist

 Broken Optimist

I called myself a 'broken optimist' this week after my heart broke under the weight of the institution. It generated support from colleagues (thank you!) and stimulated another blog thread on the nature of optimism. To be honest it felt like a kick in the nuts as if somehow my pain was inconsequential and it was my own fault for being an optimist. How to hurt someone already hurting! However, he is a respected, trusted colleague and his blogs challenged me to really ponder. 

What do I mean or think I mean by being an optimist? I haven't read up on the meanings of optimist or pessimist. I just go with the flow. For me being optimistic is a hopeful outlook. A belief that all will be well, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that change for the better can happen and so on.
This week that died and perhaps, perhaps, his blog cemented that and gave an opportunity to realise what I was avoiding all along. Reality. Optimists, according to his research, cannot truly accept the grim reality and infers we cannot deal well with pain and grief when change doesn't happen. I may be doing him a disservice here but it's what I understood and initially I felt offended.

Nevertheless, I am no longer an optimist nor am I a pessimist for surely the same argument exists. Instead I fully accept the grim reality that change in the institution is not possible. We are doomed by the very thing I wore so proudly until this week - optimism.

There is too much optimism and not enough reality in the institution. We believe that we will be able to fix our situation. Reality tells a different story. Reality tells us that we will continue to decline and waste our resources.  We have done so for years and have yet to truly grasp the reality that we are far too big in all directions. 

Reality hit home this week and I know that optimism is the crutch that hinders not helps. And for the first time in a long time I feel a burden has been lifted. No longer do I fear the future because no longer is my identity or ministry locked in an institution or some naive optimism all will be well.

Instead I embrace reality and follow Jesus down the narrow path, knowing God's church will always survive but as what…

‘For I know the plans I have for you…’ 

 

Reflective - Nobody’s Puppet

 Growing older and wiser?

I have had a birthday. And I am feeling it.
Not so much physically although we all know old age doesn't come itself. I am on the cusp of my half-century though still plenty time to plan its celebrations. My birthday passed with little comment. Nobody really bothers at these random years. But physically I am 20 yrs old than the age my brain thinks I am. And it niggles!

Yet bizarrely it is my stability now that is giving me pause. and flashes of regret. Like so many I wish I knew then what I think I know now.

·      I wish I knew that my parents were doing the best they could with what they had.

·      I wish I knew that poor mental health was a thing 30 yrs ago and not just a modern day concept.

·      I wish I knew that happiness is not a place but a people.

·      I wish I knew that I didn’t have to throw myself in at the deep end and pray I could swim.

·      I wish I knew I could lose weight properly and keep it off (for me a big part of my self esteem issues)

Over the years, as a very slow learner, 

·      I have learnt that I don't need to titles or roles to be an asset or a worthy colleague. 

·      I have learnt to pause, ask questions and make decisions – not just rush to say ‘of course I will’

·      I have learnt I am nobody's puppet (except maybe for my children!)

Perhaps most importantly I have learnt I can’t fit in. I never could and it is exhausting trying.  How I wish I learnt this at a young age.  How I wish I knew it was a gift and not a curse to be me. 

I am a child of God and He loves me. I still believe the most powerful, prophetic message we can share is that most simple but divine truth.  I am a messed up individual with more flaws than anyone can ever know. My mistakes are in my past, glittering like broken glass on a path. I have failed God. And yet he loves me still.

I don’t doubt when that big 5 0 comes around I’ll be regretting mistakes, wondering what it means to be a human being, if I haven’t joined the heavenly ragamuffins first! 

But for now, there is a freedom in laying down the need to fit in or be another's puppet. And at the tender age of 47 I am truly learning who I really want to be, rather than what others think I should be. I don’t fear dying but I don’t want to get old. Yet I can’t deny with age comes wisdom…(well a little!).  

I wonder if you spotted it.  Took me a moment and I wrote it. Learning who I want to be, not what others expect me to be. Remember you are a person not an object. God made you and he loves you.  Plus we learn the most from our mistakes…

Be loved. Be you as God made you to be for you are a new creation! 

Anyone who is joined to Christ is a new being; the old is gone, the new has come. 

2 Corinthians 5:17

Packaging Relevancy- A response

We must be relevant….

At the risk of annoying a powerful person in my denomination and further blotting my copy book I find myself pondering 'us' again. There is nowt so weird as a Presbyterian although I'm sure that may true of others. I found myself put out with a recent church blog about making 'ourselves' relevant! I love the ones that make me wriggle with discontent. 

Somehow if we find the right package for the Gospel we will win everyone back to Church, although personally I'd settle for God. To be fair the desire for relevancy is not unique to this writer or indeed others writing on this topic.

The attraction model is still very popular. The right music, the best coffee, the home baking and a preacher who embodies the 'other'- be that charismatic or hippy, or easy on the ear and eye works? I’ll admit I get it. 

It is a form of packaging and it has some merit. It can rekindle faith in those who have drifted away from organised religion. The risk here is that it relies on the individual and unless discipleship is encouraged, should that preacher move on the person leaves too. Those of you who have been around will remember Billy Graham campaigns and how important it was to follow up those who came to faith.

I guess my initial negative reaction to the notion of 'packaging the Gospel’ was that there was nothing to say how or what that looked like, just a vague criticism that somehow I’d failed at doing it right.  The author spoke of taking children here there and everywhere rather than bringing them to church.  And again, not unique.  And guess what…not a new problem.  Yet we are still convicted of the notion that for worship to be worthy of the Lord himself it must take place on a Sunday morning around 11am.  I love that the Catholics are more open to worship at a different time.  Why when everything else was happening on a Sunday morning did we not move to a Sunday afternoon? 

I honestly wonder if we need to turn the whole concept of Church on its head. What if we truly valued everything but Sunday worship? What if the amount of people it takes to produce weekly worship was redirected? What if the amount of time that went into preaching to the converted when into preaching to the unconverted or as I’d rather say – those who haven’t had an opportunity to meet the God who loves them? 

But I guess the question remains - can we be relevant and if so how are we relevant?

It is recognised that we are complex beings with physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual needs. Any of these out of balance with the others causes issues. I freely admit I cannot imagine life without faith. Faith gives me hope for a future I cannot see.  However, I have suffered from depression, I have physical condition managed by daily drugs, and my body will continue to age and decay. My emotional health is generally good but like all people it can have bleak days.  

I believe to live life in all its fullness includes faith, growing our relationship with our Creator, through his Son and the Spirit.  There is only so much I can do in Sunday worship. Building up the people of God is a privilege but it is only relevant to those who know him or of him and want more.  However, Jesus was found all over the place, talking to the one or the thousands. He taught, he welcomed, he healed, he challenged and he loved.

The Church is one of the last institutions providing a variety of care, engaging with schools, politics and the Third Sector, Welcome varies for our input. But folks, relevancy will not be found in praise bands and charismatic preachers. Relevancy will be found when we come alongside our community and live out the Gospel with honesty and integrity. 

When we speak gently with the shamed and embarrassed, when we welcome the prodigal child, when we clothe the struggling, when we stop behaving like spoilt brats and say thank you Jesus and when we stop leaving it to the professionals…

We are the gospel packaged up. You! Me!
If we are not living the Gospel, if we are not loving God, neighbour, ourselves and enemy on a daily basis, then I promise no amount of dressing up the Church or worship will matter.  For one thing that is key to understanding what it means to bring the church into the 21^st Century – nobody wants packaged messages or pedestals, they want truth, authenticity and transparency. 

We joke – do as I say, not as I do.  In reality we need to practise what we preach,  Then we would not need to fight for relevancy for revival will come.  Such is the Good News. And perhaps the first step is to believe it ourselves and be able to articulate that in word and action.  And remember it is true – God is before us and he is hoping we are in for the ride…

Be relevant – Be your beloved self for you are the Good News of Christ packaged and good to go! 💞💞