Ministry ~ Hard to be Neutral

 It's hard to be neutral

Conversation over breakfast about something sparked my husband to say it is hard to be neutral. And. immediately I knew the title for this week's blog.

Thank you for all who keep reading them and pondering along with me.  I have had a lot of meetings and therefore thinking about the wider life of the church. It has been hard for me because I am working in a way that doesn't suit me. I find it incredibly hard to be neutral. However I am led to the conclusion that if I am to survive in the 'management' levels of Presbyterianism that is who I must become. Reflecting on a particularly tempestuous (mostly me I'm afraid] meeting I came to the conclusion that I need to stop fighting.  For my own sanity and perhaps even my marriage!

Previously asked earlier this year by a wonderful experienced minister if I had a sense I needed to save the Church of Scotland I found myself dithering. Yet his question still niggles me.

Don't get me wrong. I want the Church of Scotland to thrive not just survive. But I bailed from Ministries. Council because what I saw was decision making held by the few with little or no recourse. And like I said I find it hard to be neutral.  And there isn’t much room for the likes of me to be heard in the corridors of decision making.   

Has the Church over the years conditioned us to be neutral? We go with the flow, rarely push back even when we know policies are detrimental to the mission of Christ. We argue over lawnmowers, roofs, and china cups but rarely over the best way to reach our communities.

Over this past year of stepping back into 'management' I have noticed when I'm energised and when I am not. It is when I'm allowed to be me, contributing and being creative, designing and deliberating that energy flows, my brain snaps into the zone and fire burns (at varying levels depending on the topic). When I'm asked to be neutral, to sit back and simply be an

information conduit then my angst, even boredom and apathy grows.

This folks is the reality many of us face when you consider how we were educated and trained. The Church wants to engage with the Under 40s. At 46 I'd like the Church to engage with me too.  We are not designed to be neutral. Nor are we great at having every idea dismissed or undermined by 'management’. Indeed generations under me are amongst the least 'neutral' of generations currently in existence. Truly if the Church wants to engage will the under 40s, even 50s it needs to find passion and energy, a cause writ large that everyone can get behind.  And the current mission planning isn’t it!

Every time I get involved in 'management' I want to make a difference. Arrogantly perhaps I think I know it all. I don't but I do know I can't be neutral.  It simply is not in my make up.

And maybe therefore I am not cut out for 'management’? To get to the end of a day and think that I should just stop fighting the system makes me wonder whether it is truly time to return to the back benches.  Yet too many folks are relegated there already and perhaps we are missing out on so much.  What I have noticed in Presbyterianism is we place a lot of stock in titles and there is a hierarchy.  

The call is to use less people to free people up to do other things. And in doing so we exclude, disempower and often leave people floundering.  And they ain’t doing anything because the few hold the reins so tight…

Story goes of a Youth club in a particularly difficult area of town, where life was harsh, drugs rife and morale low yet this club was spotless. The resources looked after and staff treated with respect. The Youth Leader, when quizzed by a visiting MP as to how it thrived in the midst of the urban decay around it, was able to say it all came down to the young people. They owned it, cared for it, valued it and raised the funds and so on.

Neutrality will kill off the creative, passionate people. It might be easier to run a neutral system but if everything is grey then where are the rainbows?

It's hard to be neutral. And when that is what GenXers and below are asked to be we will just

walk away. Less isn't always more.  We need a whole lot less bland management and a lot more opportunities to try, risk, fail and build.  

And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.

Isaiah 42.16

I cannot be what I am not. I can only be who God made me to be. 

But where that ‘me’ might be, well we will just have to wait and see. 

Have a blessed week and don’t be neutral. 💞

Health Check - Overwhelmed much?

Anyone else feeling overwhelmed? No- just me?  Christmas is around the corner - and I love it!  But wow - how come it arrives faster every year?

Anyone else feeling old and creaky. No - just me?! My first congregation were fond of saying old age doesn't come itself. And as I get older I recognise the truth of that. Running marathons might be amazing but my body still ages. Recently I have had to accept that milk and I no longer get along. Mostly this is fine until I think ice-cream and chocolate.

Anyone else feeling fed up with our Government? Surely not just me? Each day seems to bring another saga and a little more faith, hope is eroded. Will we look back-or my great grandchildren look back and wonder what on earth happened?  As we ponder whether Matt Hancock is a celebrity or whether the programme should be called ‘I’m a politician, get me out of here’ we are also trying to figure out how to support the congregation and community with the cost of living crisis.

Rainbow outside Presbytery office

Part of me wants to step back, stop the world and push factory reset. I'm not sure what that looks like but when I read the promises of God I'm convinced that is the red button he controls.  At some point we will walk his hallowed halls and all of this will fade into insignificance.  By that I mean the niggles, the aches, the pain, the material wealth and so on.  Love never dies and we will experience in its purest form.

At the start of my first marathon we were chatting to an experienced runner.  She was lovely and she said ‘remember the finish line is there.  You will get to the end.’. Sometimes I have to tell my children that the challenging times won't last forever. The difficult topic, the exam, the PE lesson, the appointment will end.  We live in challenging times but they won't last forever. Christmas will arrive and go and come again, politicians will come and go (some sooner than others!), economics will fluctuate as they always have but somehow we keep going.

So what to do with that feeling of being overwhelmed?

Firstly stop and take a step back. Not everything rests on your shoulders. It might feel like it. You might even need it to but you are not indispensable. Many years ago my driving instructor told me as I started a new job - make yourself indispensable but remember no-one is indispensable.  Some of us need to remember that more than others.  That is not to say you are not important but you are part of a family and a community (work, church, club, neighbourhood). Who are you excluding by trying to be everything to everyone?

Secondly, it is okay to say 'no' or 'maybe! Underutilised words but each have merit when well used.  However, for some the answer is 'yes’.  Sometimes the power of 'yes' enables another to breathe, even rejoice!  You might need to say ‘yes’ to the right things.  Indeed let me encourage you to stop something that is no longer relevant to start what you are called for.  Too often as individuals, as institutions, as churches we keep going because we believe to stop means failure.  No it doesn’t.  Does the coming of the Messiah mean everything that went before was a failure or irrelevant?  Perhaps laying to rest or embracing God’s new thing is actually the right next step and would free us to live without carrying the burden of the past.

Thirdly - diary life. I don't just mean journal, although it is incredibly useful. I mean the very gadget you are reading this on most likely has a calendar app.  Your phone that never leaves your side-use it! Schedule in time for you, your family, your hobbies, your church. Many of us miss attending church, training, coffee with friends because we don't diary it. I tell people that once they in the diary they are usually sale. I only cancel because of an emergency or health.  I even have worship in my diary and I ‘have to’ be there.  How many of see Sunday as an empty day - but if we added worship we might pause and truly consider what is more urgent or valuable or adjust our timings to allow being with our brothers and sisters in Christ.

I write in days off, and my yoga/training session on Wednesdays. It means when I'm asked to go to something, at the very least I hesitate! I see my entries and depending on need etc I choose whether it is urgent or if I can protect my time.  That might feel mercenary and selfish. Yet self-care is not selfish. 

Jesus took breaks-sat weary by a well whilst his disciples went off to do the grocery shopping.  He went off to pray leaving his disciples behind or sneaking away early in the day to get some peace before the crowds arrived.  He slept in boats. Jesus was indispensable but smart enough, humble enough to make sure he was not indispensable. He empowered others allowing them to be just like him (sending out of the 12/72). He paused and found out the woman's story while the girl 'passed away'. He waited til Lazarus died. And yes both the girl and Lazarus were alive in the end.  But also he didn't heal everyone - our friend at the poolside for example.  The humanity of Jesus is evident in the Gospels.  

When we ask ourselves ‘what would Jesus do’ let’s be honest and tell ourselves to rest, to sit down, to find a quiet space and pray, send someone else to do the messages, build a team to preach, heal the sick, feed the hungry…#bemoreJesus

Feeling overwhelmed? Pray, Pause and Ponder.  Be honest.  Who journeys with you?  What do you need to let go of? Is time a friend or foe?  Repeat on a regular basis! ;)

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8

And if you are not the overwhelmed, look out for those who are and offer a word of support, a cuppa and a battle plan to the one you see who is.

God bless you and Merry Christmas 😂