Remembers…Forget…Car Crash!

 When I do right…when I do wrong

God is sheer mercy and grace;

    not easily angered, he’s rich in love.

He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,

    nor hold grudges forever.

He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,

    nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.

As high as heaven is over the earth,

    so strong is his love to those who fear him.

And as far as sunrise is from sunset,

    he has separated us from our sins.  Psalm 103:8-12 (MSG)

Sorry I am running a bit late with this week’s instalment.  To be honest this week really needs a do-over.  Surprisingly Monday morning I felt light and chirpy and actually kinda excited. And then my car was rearranged on a local, notorious, badly painted lane arrowed roundabout.                     

In my defence I was totally innocent and for the record no-one was hurt, just inconvenienced and angry, scared and shocked. The other driver was in the wrong lane and mistakenly assumed that I would be getting out his way.  So hopefully all being well insurance and vehicles will be sorted out.

However, reflecting on this with a couple of nights sleep now, and the adrenaline rush and side effects passed I was struck by the responses of my family.  Of course immediately supportive and shocked and all the usual.  Yet when I said this was my first accident the chatter immediately turned to - well what about when you spun the car in the wet?  And I’m like; ‘no-one else was there. It doesn’t count.’. Or when you hit the gate Mum - that was just a turning issue through a particularly tight gap stone gate driveway says me.  In fact getting defensive I said ‘well this is the first vehicle to vehicle crash in 20+ years of driving and it wasn’t even my fault.’

It’s funny how when we try and sound righteous, we actually find others dragging us down.  It is like those around us have to dissuade us of our righteousness and take us down a peg or two.  My family meant no harm but I’m sure we can all remember the feeling of going from the righteous to the defensive.  And it made me wonder.  An ex-boyfriend of mine in High School (trust me we are talking decades now) gave me a wee sign:

‘When I do right, no-one remembers, 

but when I do wrong, no-one forgets.’

How grateful am I that God doesn’t do to us, to me what my family automatically did to me.  I don’t even want to imagine what God might say to me in my more righteous moments.  Heavens, I’d be terrified to let my best friend talk freely about my faults, never mind God.  Yet God doesn’t do that.  He doesn’t keep a list of my wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5).  

Our challenge as Christians, indeed as human beings, is to resist the temptation to cast up the sins of others or sap the morale of one another by repeatedly pointing out flaws and failures or indeed constantly criticising ourselves.  Life is hard enough and mistakes are learning opportunities if we allow them to be.  Sometimes we are right but in the wrong place, like the roundabout on Monday morning.  Sometimes we are wrong in the right place like taking a risk and failing.  

God doesn’t look at you and see failure.  God looks at you and sees his child.  We know that our children will make mistakes but we love them anyway. God knows we are human and loves us anyway.  

So, whether you are feeling righteous or a failure - God loves you and he doesn’t measure your worth by your sins or failings or flaws.  He looks at your heart and sees the love, the compassion, the willingness to try again, the faith no matter how small, and he just loves you. 

Now I’m off for my PCR test and asking the Lord if the rest of the week could have a little less drama in it! 

Be forgiven and move on in faith.  God is ahead of you (future) and with you (present), not living in your past like unwanted houseguest lobbing missiles.  And if he doesn’t do that, let’s stop doing it to ourselves and others. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. (1 Cor 13:6)

All being well - see you next week!

God bless, 

Love Sarah 

Sometimes you just got to speak…

 ‘But an honourable person acts honestly and stands firmly for what is right’. Isaiah 32:8

Hello and Welcome back! 

It is a curious time. Everyone has an opinion about something and of course we are right. The challenge remains that we can’t all be right and therefore at times even we must be wrong. What is even more challenging is that when we are right and seemly ignored or overlooked we either get louder and therefore annoying or we walk away and think - well maybe I will leave you to answer that. At the moment we are facing the ultra marathon of the pandemic where we flit from option to option as politicians walk the right rope between society and science. We need to live is the only thing everyone agrees on. Unfortunately for all to live something or some of us have to give. Our desire to live as we did overrides the fact we may have to adapt just a little. Then throw in the growing difficulties with deliveries, complicated by Covid and Brexit, never mind independence discussions and to be honest even I’m ready to hide under a duvet and exit it in 2023. (Not sure I’m holding out much hope for 2022 either!). 

I feel it myself. And there are times when I feel there are things that can’t be left unsaid. Sometimes we have to stand up and say our piece. Not to cause trouble or pain on purpose but because to say nothing would be even more unjust. We cannot fight all the battles because no one is able to do that. As I have often been told whether it comes to raising children or ministry or life in general - you have to pick your battles! 

My battlefield may not be the same as yours. And you know what that is okay too. I often think I’m not truly passionate about any cause but I am. My calling is to stand up against injustice, particularly but definitely not only in the church. Sadly Christians can be the absolute worst to their own brothers and sisters. But ask my poor husband and he will tell you that I make excuses for anyone and everyone (except him 😉 ). I defend others constantly. 

Yet in my heart I would do anything for a quiet life. I hate conflict. I’m absolutely terrified of standing up to others. Yet I am more terrified of doing nothing. All it takes for evil to thrive is for good people to do nothing or so the saying goes. 

Yes there are some opinionated souls out there who likes hear the sound of their own voice. Far be it from me to tell you who… However we need to listen to some voices, such as those of the climate change activists. Look how the earth responded when we were locked down. We are a real source of damage and these past 18months should be a wake up call.  We need to listen to the call for gender equality because it impacts on us all whether we realise it or not. The steps forward in places like Afghanistan that seem so vulnerable now reminding us that progress is a fickle beast. We need the ones who stand up to injustice dressed up in political embellishments, where policies are made to look good but are ‘all fur coat and no knickers’! 

The author of Ecclesiastes reminds us that there is a time to be silent and a time to speak. I have often pondered that as I read it again and again.  A time to be silent comes first. I think we need to pick our battles, pray and plan, then speak up. God places on all our hearts a cause to support because his heart is with the poor, the marginalised, the voiceless, the refugee, the outcast and the overlooked, whether through economics or politics, climate or creed, gender or sexuality, power or abuse.  

I get wanting to hide but just maybe this is your time to speak. Don’t be afraid to speak. You might be very surprised who you enable to speak up as well. Sometimes all it takes is for one person to sit outside parliament, to raise a hand at the meeting, to walk away from a toxic situation, to challenge the soapbox speaker for others to find their voice and start a movement.  

After all even Jesus stood up against injustice with words of wisdom or with righteous anger or with loving action.

We have a voice. And currently the freedom to use it. 

Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.  Proverbs 31:9

God bless your silence and your speaking

Love Sarah 

Chatterbox Syndrome

 Hello!

It is good to talk…

I’m an introvert with extrovert tendencies, which is code for I am not an entertainer but I love to talk.  I really do.  I love sitting down and chatting through ideas and falling headlong into all the cliches. Expressions like ‘think outside the box’, ‘comfort zones’ and ‘blue sky thinking’ just float my boat so to speak.  Hence my angst last week at the silence, missing 121 (rarely an expression heard in the CofS), and feeling flat.  (Read last week’s if you want, it is from the heart but might leave you wondering!)

I love finding treasure in scripture and I just want to share them.  I love reading books on ministry and life as I read a lot of organisational culture and psychology type material and I just want to talk it through with others.  I feel like I have been given something exciting and like a child with new shoes or toys I just want to show off. And so for now this is one of my ways to talk. 

I am currently in the exciting land of Isaiah. Okay, let’s be honest it is a tough read. Yet, my word, there are some treasures.  I love the fact there are flashes of texts from the New Testament and I don’t mean direct quotes.  Sometimes though in the doom and gloom, stories of anger, exile, and death we need to find the light.  And there is always light. 

I was really struck by Isaiah 28:16-17, 23-29 (GNB). We read of the solid cornerstone and written on the cornerstone ‘Faith that is firm is also patient.’. True statement but wow, that is hard. It makes perfect sense but patience…Justice is to be the measuring line and honesty the plumb line.  The text moves from a building metaphor to a farming metaphor, and throws in the challenge.  To paraphrase - no farmer keeps ploughing the ground for sowing, rather he gets on with planting.  Through the verses that follow Isaiah is at pains to show how God gives knowledge and wisdom to the farmer so he knows what to do.  And concludes with the verse -‘The plans God makes are wise and they always succeed.’ Isaiah 28:29

As someone who likes to do, who likes to share, who wants to shout the good news from the roof tops, I feel we are constantly getting the ground ready to sow but not moving to the next stage.  The running joke is that God so loved the world he didn’t send a committee.  And the text from Isaiah had me wondering how much I have got stuck preparing the ground?  Is there no harvest because we are not planting?  Are we crushing the new crop with rotas, rules and head stuff, rather than nurturing strength, patiently bringing the crop on? 

Whatever we plant, do, build, as individuals in our homes and communities, and in our churches, it must have justice as our measuring stick, honesty to keep us straight and true, faith that is firm, therefore patient and Christ as our Cornerstone. 

It is good to talk but let the talk actually lead us somewhere.  All talk and no action is like a farmer constantly preparing the ground and never planting.  So what are we planting folks?  God has a plan and the seeds! 

God bless you!

Love Sarah 

Feeling Flat

 Hello, 

Long time no post! Hope you are staying the course…

If truth be told I have been feeling kinda flat at the moment. Nothing is wrong and my life is ‘perfect’ as it can be.  Yet I can’t shake the numbness of time.  I can fake it til I make it.  I can show the wonder, energy etc and I do feel that in the moment but it remains fleeting.  But around the edges I feel flat, going through the motions.  The doctor asked me when my world collapsed a couple of years ago if I was depressed. I don’t think so but I wonder what I am…I am prone to these wells of self-pity and seem to need a little more drama in my world.  Yet I am not sure what I am looking for either. 

I genuinely miss 121 life (Church of Scotland National Offices).  I miss the cut and thrust, the thin lines and the balancing acts.  I miss the energy of ideas and the push and shove of competing passions.  I miss the interactions, coffee catch ups, even snide comments!  The years of engagement have compromised parish life…

I struggle with monotony and everyday ness.  Not because in and of itself it is without merit.  Of course there are times when these are good things.  After all we can’t live with high drama all the time.  But in a pandemic the variety and spice of life and ministry is curtailed.  The pressure of home life that demands my attention as some kind of gendered role keeps me distracted from my discontent whilst also adding to it. 

The model of the parish church misses the mark.  I recently received pity because churches are no longer full.  It was genuine care for me and I was touched but left wondering.  A debate on social media about holy ground, holy space and sanctuaries left me wondering whether we have become so fluid that there was nothing left to hold onto.  Or is that a good thing?

I keep asking God for clarity, for vision, for wisdom, yet like Saul waiting for Ananias I am still blind. 

Lord, I cannot keep doing nothing. 

There has to be more. 

And in the silence that followed the outpouring of prayer shared above came a string of ideas, and a stirring of passion, energy and creativity.  

When I truly start to think what I might do, what my church family might do I feel stronger, confident and the spark brightens.  

And you know the Lord said;

Be present - Be Available. 

At that point this wee mouse crossed the patio and as I watched him I felt touched.  Every minister has a church mouse…he was struggling with the heat of the day and so together we shared an apple and then I released him back into the wild (as wild as it gets in urban EK). 

I don’t know if the mouse is symbolic, but certainly I have never held one or fed one on purpose. And it was precious. 

I don’t know what the future holds but I am convinced who holds mine just as I briefly held the mouse.    

So if you are struggling with the pace of life just now - hang in there and pray.  God hasn’t left us and there are adventures and indeed dramas to come.  

Just dear Lord, let this not be the calm before the storm!

Love Sarah 

The New Different - The Blank Face

 Over the years I have worked with teenagers and now live with one, and almost without exception ask them what they want to do, want to eat etc they look at you with that infamous blank face and shrug.  It is my all time frustration when I ask friends what they want to do and they defer to my choice.  I hate choosing!!! I want people to make decisions.

Over these past 12 months or so where we have lived with restrictions and route maps out of lockdown 1, 2, 312(!), there has been comfort and frustration so maybe there is just no pleasing me.  We want to be told what to do and at the same time we don’t.  My reading since last week’s talk has been How to lead when you don’t know where you are going by Rev Susan Beaumont.  I am only 2 chapters in but it is a good read so far.  Yet I finishing chapter 2 I find myself struggling, and to be fair the author is honest that what she is offering is a tension for any leader.  How do we step back from goal setting, striving for whatever markers of success we carry, relying on our knowledge and experience?  How do we embrace wonder, listening, actively laying down our knowledge and experience in order to hear, see, ponder anew? 

In the Church of Scotland as the General Assembly approaches rumours abound.  And at the heart of these rumours are cuts, closures, and closed power circles.  Rumours are never to be trusted but the pressures on the institution of the church cannot be ignored.  And this for me is where the tension arises because in order to be missional we need to invest in it.  And I don’t necessarily mean money although obviously that would help! To be missional, our author and many like her would say that we need to stop doing stuff (striving) in order to start doing the right stuff (attending). And the right stuff (yet to be defined) is not necessarily quantifiable.  How do you quantify relationships? How do you measure seeds planted or know whether they have landed in good soil or not?   

We are in the midst of planning for the future and face the challenge of keeping the ‘right buildings in the right place’ and determining the ministry allocation.  You can bet your bottom dollar that we use statistics because they never lie! Okay being flippant! It is our natural instinct to measure and quantify, and if we don’t do something ASAP we will cease to exist.  Of course we want to work together but put a bunch of us in a Zoom and ask what we want to do and there are blank faces, including mine.  Actually that’s not true.  I have lots of ideas for the place I recently left because I know the place.  My new place is more of a blank because I am still listening and wondering.  However, what is apparent in all my years in the church is that we have forgotten to nurture our ‘defining’ feature - that we are all in this together.  I grew up with more sense of togetherness across denominations than I see within the Church of Scotland.  The pros and cons of parish ministry, which is meant to be territorial in the sense that everyone has access to a minister, but then we put in so many boundaries!  

I do love how we support each other through our ‘ministry and mission fund’ but somewhere we lost the art of being missional together.  And so when we are put together we look with a blank face and hope someone else knows what do to.  Or we batten down the hatches and protect what is ours. 

There are plenty people at the centre of the institution looking out to the edges wondering how on earth to hold it all together.  I don’t envy them.  We want them to tell us what to do and yet we don’t.  They are limited because when you live in the centre you can only see the fringes from a distance.  Those of us living on the periphery of the institution really need to embrace the reality and truly push for what we want missional church to be.  We need to model it.  Build the relationships again which might mean ‘...accepting the past for what it was, embracing the present reality, yielding to the mystery of the future and the mystery of God in the future.’ (p.43 - How to lead when you don’t know where you are going).

Once you get a bunch of teenagers engaged by giving them some level of ownership, respect (good food works) and time, you will get more than blank faces.  In fact often the wonder of teenagers is how passionate they are, full of energy and vision.  How do we get folks in the church engaged again?  Trust me, form filling and bitter pills will not do it.   If we start from a place of fear we will never truly be open to what might be, can be and is already within our grasp through God himself.

We like to quote the Jeremiah verse ‘For I know the plans I have for you....’ but do we, do I truly ever stop striving long enough, trying to look like I know what I am doing, to actually find out what God’s plan is?  And then when we do realise his plan can we embrace it even if it means death and resurrection?  

Thanks for pondering with me - no answers here, just hope that there is more...

God bless you

Love Sarah 

  

The New Different - Is Mission a Verb, an Adjective or a Noun?

Guess who has been home schooling with a title like that?  But it is my dilemma as well as we ponder the future of the church, particularly in my case, the Church of Scotland. I was brought up missional, at least in the sense of taking worship to the people.  Open airs on the piers of Oban or in random housing estates, Pentecostal marches and a regular at the Fishermen’s Mission and the like.  Ecumenical partnerships was a thing before it was a ‘thing’.  But in those days I wasn’t Church of Scotland. I was a member of The Salvation Army who were linked in to so many other Christian gatherings.  We had Congregational members who went up the hill to their church in the morning and down the hill to ours at night. And even then to a teenager witnessing the CofS from the ‘outside’ it was officious, repetitive and in the most beautiful but worst of buildings.  As for Church halls, well they always have a unique aroma - at least the old style ones. (You know they do!)

Missional meant feeding the hungry, supporting the needy, friendship and fellowship to those who spent much time away from home on the sea and preaching the Good News wherever possible. It wasn’t an optional extra, it was just what we did as Christians.  Now it feels like an extra, something we haven’t been doing or it no longer works.  

Now as I listen to wonderful speakers and thinkers, as I buy the books with great titles (but haven’t yet read - sorry!), I am somewhat perplexed.  Not because the mission has changed, but that the rules of engagement have.  Now, perhaps a key issue, I have to work within a Church of Scotland context, and not just as a lay person but as the ‘buck stops here’ person.  The joy of being a participant rather than the ‘leader’ is the freedom to get on with it.  The challenge as the ‘leader’ is to find ways to encourage others to get involved in mission without getting lost in the rabbit warren of ‘what is mission?’  A lovely colleague once said ‘preach it and they will come’.  At the time I reacted against his naivety and blessed his optimism.  Yet it also spoke to my greatest fear in the talk of mission - how do the people get to know (of) God?  

I love the variety of expressions of church, of mission, knowing that the underpinning it is the belief that the Church is a response to God’s mission in the world.  He is the ‘leader’ and we are or should be the willing participants.  We do wonderful things to support our communities, tailored to building relationships and more but at times we also sacrifice our identity so as not to put people off. (Trust me, I don’t say that lightly.  I truly struggle with Messy Church as a title because it puts people off!).  We know our motivation is because of our faith but the evangelist drummed into me asks ‘where is the proclamation of God?’.  How will they know if we don’t tell them? I am struck by how often Jesus refers to his ‘work’ being for the glory of God.  He is specific at times and other times less so.  A balance perhaps? 

I struggle when people say - ‘let go and let God.’ and I say it too. Not because I think he doesn’t have a handle on it, but because I wonder at our ability, my ability to discern the mission of God in our communities and parishes.  How do we step outside our generations of officialdom and ‘aye been’s’ to embrace something different?  Sandy Forsyth in a helpful talk I listened to today used the phrase - The New Different and I doubt he meant much by it but it stuck with me. I’m not even sure I know why but it is making me pause. 

There is a risk that as we return to our buildings and practices that we miss the new different.  The pandemic is a life changing experience for us as church, as communities, as society indeed as individuals and families.  Even if the urge is to return to normal there lies beneath that desire a deep unsettledness.  Certainty has been further eroded if not lost all together.  It is, perhaps, no longer a new normal but a new different.  

And I wonder what that will look like for me, for the Church of Scotland, and for the parish in which I currently work.  And listening to some wonderful speakers today I wonder how much we can do in a Church that was overloaded with restrictions before it was hit with a pandemic. Put it this way there isn’t much time for mission in amongst the day to day requirements of an institutional church, or the expectations of congregation/parish/et al.   

Is mission a verb, an adjective or a noun?   Whatever mission looks like in my context or yours it certainly needs to be more than noun.  We can just say it is what we are (noun) yet people need to be able to see that in action and at worst use it to describe us (adjective) but better yet to know we are doing it (verb).  

As a noun:  The Mission Church 

As an adjective: The mission church went about preaching the good news in action and word.

As a verb: The church is mission.

Absolutely this is God’s mission and we are invited to participate.  Just remember we are not called to stay and watch, we are sent out.  You coming?

There will be more ponderings to follow - like how to embrace the settlers when you want everyone to be pioneers?  Haven’t figured that out yet. 

Just remember God loves you and me, and we are his children, and the Church his bride. 

Love Sarah 

Holy Week - Easter Sunday Jesus is Missing!

 Prop - Relight the candle you blew out on Friday

Reading:  John 20:1-10, 19-23 

Reflection: Jesus is Missing! 

Many of you I’m sure know all about ‘Where’s Wally?’ - looking for a wee lad in busy pictures where much is happening.  The pleasure is in the story telling in the picture as well as the satisfaction of finding Wally. Well a friend of me gave the Christian version - Finding Jesus. 

Today for the disciples and friends of Jesus is a bit like these picture challenges.  I mean he should be easy to find but somehow there is too much else going on, and nothing quite makes sense.  The last they knew Jesus was dead, confirmed dead by the soldier’s spear before being taken down from the cross.  He was buried in a borrowed tomb by Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus, simply wrapped and placed there because there was no time to put him anywhere else. 

So when Mary went in the early hours of Sunday morning she went expecting to lament at his grave.  It is still dark, again our author playing with the dark and light - she comes stumbling in the night.  It was a custom to lament at the tomb for 3 days.  She was not expecting the stone to be rolled away. She was looking for Jesus’ grave, not the empty tomb.  We always come to worship today knowing Christ is risen.  That first Easter Sunday, no matter what Jesus tried to tell them, they expected him to be in the tomb.  No-one was more surprised than the disciples that Jesus was missing. 

Mary doesn’t go in the tomb.  She goes straight back to the disciples to tell them that Jesus is missing.  

Again Simon Peter and John who liked to be the beloved one, (author’s privilege) are key players.  Simon Peter who is still the leader despite his denials and John are up and away unable to believe Mary.  Blessed are those who believe without seeing, but for them their first thoughts are either grave robbers or that the authorities moved Jesus to a communal grave, more in keeping with a criminal’s death. They are not looking for the resurrection either.  Jesus is missing, known to be dead, therefore this is not by his hand. 

The beloved disciple is younger and fitter so I’m told but waits for the eldest to go in first - sign of respect.  What they find in the tomb shows that truly Jesus is missing. The grave clothes are the key to this supposition.

The authorities haven’t taken him because they wouldn’t have stripped him first.  They would have just lifted him out. 

Even Lazarus when he came shuffling out of his tomb was still in his grave clothes.  Not easy to take the grave clothes off - so they wouldn’t have wasted time. 

If grave robbers, again unlikely because there had been no time to wrap Jesus with anything valuable.  But even still they would have left the body not the linen.  

So puzzled and confused the men went back home wondering where on earth Jesus might be.  Did they start to wonder about the things Jesus had said? The comments about rising again in three days.  What a day.  Can he be alive?  If he is where is he? Why hasn’t he been to see us?  What happens when the authorities find out that he is missing?  What will happen to us?  Mary stayed - not really knowing what to do with herself. 

It is now Sunday evening.  It has been a long day, indeed frustrating.  You can’t exactly hang posters asking if anyone has seen Jesus. Mary says she has spoken with Jesus in the garden but women are not trusted as reliable witnesses. But what if she is right?  What if she isn’t just a grieving, emotional woman who saw what she wanted to see...

Suddenly, in a style only Jesus can carry off, he is no longer missing.  Everyone in the room can see him, hear him and indeed touch him.  The joy in the room is tangible.  Their dearest friend, their Lord and Teacher, their Messiah who they had mourned stands before them and blesses them with peace. Peace be with you. 

The thing is for the disciples, for his friends they lost not just a friend but a Lord and Teacher, someone who gave them purpose and direction.  So when Jesus stands with them in the room - he offers his peace which is not transient but deep rooted.  And then gives them purpose and direction, a mission or a calling.  He breathes on them proving that he has breath in his body, and reminiscent of God breathing life into Adam or the dry bones in Ezekiel, we know that the breath of God is life-giving.  He breathes life into the broken, hurting people in the room.  

‘As my Father sent me, so I send you.’. Easter Sunday may be the end of something but it also the beginning of something.  And that something continues with us as we follow in the footsteps of so many disciples, friends of Jesus before us, and prepare the way for the many coming after us. 

People will try and tell us that Jesus is still missing.  But we know otherwise.  Jesus is present in all of us, and we are his body in this world.  We might just need a gentle reminder that we sent into the world with the Good News. So let’s not try to hide Jesus away.  Remember he can’t be locked in or locked out.  After all neither being entombed or locked out stopped Jesus. 

Christ is risen! He is risen indeed.  Alleluia.  Amen. 

Happy Easter and Peace be with you. 

Thank you for following our Holy Week journey and I’ll be back blogging again soon. For now some chocolate and an Easter feast.  

Love Sarah 

Holy Week -Good Friday Because of Love

 Prop - Lit Candle

It is such a poignant day today, and one where we might want to keep vigil between the hours of 12noon and 3pm.  It is such a significant day where we mark the death of Jesus and call it Good. 

I genuinely hope you have been able to find time in the week to follow the Holy Week story.  But just in case let me give you the premise for this year’s contemplation and reflection:

When we focus on where the blame lies we make it all about us.  

When we focus on love we make it all about Jesus. 

As Peter writes:

For you know what was paid to set you free from the worthless manner of life handed down by your ancestors.  It was not something that can destroyed such as silver or gold; it was the costly sacrifice of Christ, who was like a lamb without defect or flaw...through him you believe in God, who raised him from death and gave him glory; and so your faith and hope are fixed on God. 

That sacrifice was given in love.  Behind all that happens, the suffering and the tragic, the cruelty and the abuse, lies a deep love.  For only love could have kept Jesus present through it all.  Even in the temptations of the wilderness the devil tells us that he knows the angels would come if Jesus but called them. Only love could give him the dignity to stay the course, that even as he died love poured out in forgiveness. 

So as we travel through these stories, the texts should speak for themselves.  However I encourage you to use your imagination and to have the courage to be present.  See how much you are loved. And though your love for Christ would not see him crucified, know his love for you is greater than death. 

The readings run from John 18:1 - 19:42 so keep Bibles handy.  

If you haven’t lit your candle yet - please do so and put it somewhere safe, ideally where you can see it or be aware of it. 

Let us pray

Holy God, We come humble because we know we don’t deserve the love you pour out upon us. 

We come in trepidation because we know that this event, significant though it is, breaks our heart. 

Like Peter we want to run weeping.

Like Judas we throw our hands up in despair and plead forgiveness. 

And yet though we know we are not innocent, we come in gratitude to thank you for your great love, your great mercy, your infinite patience and your willingness to fight for us. 

Lord Jesus, we invite you to be our Lord and Teacher this day.  That as we witness your arrest, your trial, your crucifixion, your death, we would take all that we have learnt of you and ourselves especially in these past days, and look beyond the words and immerse ourselves in the story.  

Holy Spirit, give us the courage to be truly present.  Give us the wisdom to see the truth and to embrace it.  And bless us as we too keep watch with the disciples.

Lord in your mercy, hear our prayers.  Amen.  

Reading 1: John 18:1-14 The Arrest of Jesus 

Reading 2: John 18:15-27 The Denials of Peter

Reading 3: John 18: 28-38 Jesus Before Pilate

Reflective Pause

How many of you love watching a crime drama, solving a good who dunnit on tv or in a book, just to be surprised at the ending?  I grew up on Perry Mason and the like and part of me wanted to be a lawyer.  Turns out I’m too nice and too lazy an academic! We often read these as if thinking the events just came together by chance.  But throughout the texts we have studied this week and indeed through Lent there has been much in the way of planning.  

When Judas returns his thirty coins and asks to have no part in what happened, we know for sure how developed the plan of the religious authorities were. Nothing happened by chance.  Even the timing was carefully orchestrated so that Pilate would be afraid of an uprising and do as he was told - manipulated by clever people and mob rule. 

Jesus knew his hour was approaching and then come.  The signs were all there and he was close to God his Father, and therefore able to interpret what is happening.  For Jesus this path that he was on was necessary.  There was no other way.  We might want there to be another way.  We might be hurting so bad like Peter that we want to run away.  We might be like Judas and want no part in this no more.  But we must stay the course, even if we withdraw to the sidelines.  And we come with the benefit of knowing what happens next.  Yet like I couldn’t become a lawyer overnight, like a baby doesn’t just arrive by stork, like love isn’t a bed of roses, we have to face the truth that Jesus doesn’t just walk away from this.  

We have a precious invitation to watch, and to know that all that happens next is because we are so loved, that God gave his one and only Son that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life. 

See your candle light flicker, take a breath, and prepare yourself for what happens next as the stage is set for the final act...

Reading 4: John 18:38b-19:16 Jesus sentenced to death 

Reading 5: John 19:16b-19:30 Jesus dies 

I invite you to blow out your candle and to watch the smoke as it drifts, and just to pause as you remember.  In the silence feel the emptiness, the grief of those who loved him so, the shock of the disciples and the fear and delight from those who watched.  

A prayerful reflection by Rev Roddy Hamilton

When the alleluias fall silent

and the story comes to a stop

and the words fade out mid-sentence

and even the stones keep quiet

and those who still find there is something to say

shout for the wrong side

then you know

the Lord of Life

has finished the parable

with one final sentence

'It is finished'

and the tragedy bows its final bow in the world

and is entombed

all that remains

is the fear

that we may never find our voices again

and we will forget

how to speak of love

now the word

has been silenced

and the story

run out of endings

Allow the seed of hope to grow because Jesus said this was not the end.  That it was necessary but not the end.  Even in our grief where all seems dark - the light of God still burns. We know there is more to follow and on Sunday morning I invite you to light the candle again and for a moment in the calm, rejoice.  

Reading: John 19:31-42

Let us close in prayer and this service is the one service I close without a blessing, as Christ is laid in the tomb.  

Closing Prayer

Lord, as you are laid to rest and we go on with our lives, we pray that we would leave this time of worship filled with grace.  That we would look upon your people with gentleness, that we would be compassionate with the hurting, responding to the cries of the innocent unjustly punished.  But more that anything that we would know how much we are loved, and in that knowledge be confident to live our lives with faith, courage and hope, even in the darkest of times. 

May we be reverent and thoughtful and continue in prayer, keeping watch til the stone is rolled and we rejoice once more. In your name we pray.  Amen.  

Keep watch for Sunday comes. 

Holy Week -Maundy Thursday - Blamed or Loved?

 Prop - Water and towel.

Reading: John 13:1-17, 31b-35

Reflection:  

This text is so challenging and perhaps I’m grateful that we are not in church this year! Cards on the table I have never had my feet washed or washed another’s feet.  People have gathered around the communion table and washed each other’s hand with a wet wipe.  I have had a willing volunteer wash another’s feet on the chancel.  But nope - I’m with Peter.  Of course some of you are super cool with feet.  To be honest my feet are awesome - in that they carry the rest of me and cope with the running as well as the walking, the standing and the nervous pacing.  However, where my hands have starred in publications, my feet would not be welcome!  Yup - I have been a hand model! 

Of course it is easy to get lost in the action and avoid the attitude in this story.  When Jesus did this he didn’t mean for there to an annual foot washing service in Church, by which I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t.  But if it is the focus we miss the true beauty of this story. 

Think about it for just a moment.  What is the Church known for?  Not your local congregation but the Church as a whole?  How many of you jumped immediately to the negative?  Boring, irrelevant, always looking for money, fighting and conflict, hypocrisy and so on.  That’s not what we are meant to be about.  Religion tends to tick all those boxes because religion is about the window dressing.  Religion adds rules, regulations, laws and a culture that often suffocates - children shall be seen and not heard, wearing your Sunday best, women in hats, the Laird in his balcony seats and so on.  Nowadays we are much more relaxed but this history still dogs us today. 

What strikes me in this event is the verses under the heading the New Commandment.  ‘If you have love for one another, then everyone will know that you are my disciples.’

When we think what Church is what should spring to mind is love.  Not sickly sweet love, or the kind of love that is fleeting, but that deep abiding love that even death can’t destroy.  Love after all is eternal.  And when Paul writes his wonderful passage on love Jesus is at the heart of it.  

This event teaches us something ever so important about how we are to live our lives as Christians.  Now matter how big the silver spoon in our mouth that we were born with we are to lift that broom, clean that toilet, hold the hand of the beggar on the street, indeed wash their feet. Here Jesus gives an example of love that is all encompassing.  No matter who you are, what you have or don’t have, you are capable of that kind of love.  And that love might call for you to be stripped of all dignity but if that love brings glory to God then you are doing just fine.

This event paints the identity of Jesus for all to see.  What the disciples saw - Lord and Teacher and indeed he was. But right back at the start we heard that Jesus knew he was from God and to God he would return.  He was confident in his identity.  And he knew that his hour was at hand. Often the dying feel the need or desire to comfort the living.  And he wanted to do one last task for his dear friends who he loved so much.

And secure in his identity as loved one of God he was willing to shed his dignity - take off his clothes - and take on the role of a servant and wash the feet of his students.  It was such a menial task that not even male Jew servants had to do it.  Women, children and non-Jew males - yes.  Maybe, just maybe a wife might wash the feet of her husband, maybe for his birthday - you heard it here first ladies or a student for a teacher.  But a teacher for his student - oh my giddy Aunt. 

Peter flips as he is so uncomfortable and within that dialogue we sympathise with his discomfort.  And it presents Jesus with a teaching opportunity.  Whether he meant that or not we don’t know but it was an opportunity to give his final instructions.  He knew they would be grieving in the days to come and indeed after his ascension.  As I have washed your feet, wash one another’s feet.  As I have loved you, love one another.  As the Father forgives you, forgive one another.  God - always the one who initiates and we are called to respond. 

And there is room for everyone - we just choose whether we walk in the light or the darkness.  In the story we are reminded more than once that Judas is trouble.  Jesus clearly knew but he doesn’t stop him.  In fact he washes his feet as well.  Jesus washed the feet of the one who betray him.  Just hold that thought for a moment. 

Would you let Jesus wash your feet?  Would you feel like a fraud or a fake like Judas?  Would you be uncomfortable like Peter, flustered and embarrassed?  Would you be relaxed, knowing that Jesus is always an out of the box thinker and to be honest pure weird?  Would you be in stunned silence?  Or if after Peter just smart enough to keep your mouth shut?

Contemplate the bowl of water before you.  Stick your hand in the water - what would it be like to kneel before another and wash their feet?  Pause for a moment and picture the scene - either as Jesus or the one getting your feet washed.  How do you feel?  If you were Jesus would you wash the feet of Judas?  Pause and consider these. 

Like Peter we are happy to serve our Lord but we are often reluctant to let him serve us.  Holy Week and all it contains is God serving us.  The Lord and Teacher, God’s Son kneels and washes our feet by stripping himself of all dignity and hanging on the tree.  Today strikes the core of who we are to God.  We paint a picture of ourselves as the bad guys.  We sing the hymns - ‘I hear my mocking voice call out among the scoffers.’ 

But tonight reminds us that God doesn’t blame us.  He loves us.  As I have loved you so you must love one another.  Even from the cross Jesus prays - ‘Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.’. Only love can say that.  There are theological debates to be had on ransoms, atonement, substitution and appeasing the wrath of God.  And we might never truly find a way through that but none of us can rule out love.  

This new commandment is not new in a way. It is genuinely as old as the hills.  But what Jesus calls love is richer, deeper, more extravagant that the simple, often superficial love we carry.  Even Jesus said that greater love has no one but this to lay down their life for their friend.  Paul says in Romans we might be willing to do that.  Tertullian wrote of the great love that Christians had for one another.  During the plagues Christians were renowned for staying to help - always being the last to flee. 

What is the Church known for?  Lord and Teacher, I pray it is for love without dignity, compassion without price, welcome without prejudice and Lord, may it start with me. 

What is Christ known for?  Pure and precious love that sees me as I am and prays forgiveness over me.  

When we focus on where the blame lies we make it all about us.  When we focus on love we make it all about Jesus. 

Can we be courageous enough to focus on the wonderful, awe-inspiring, mind-blowing love that is Jesus Christ?  As we share in the Passion narratives tomorrow - follow the love trail and be grateful and blessed by how much you are loved.  And may that love help us truly love one another. 

For a moment, just rest in the knowledge that Jesus loves you.  Maybe the wee verse if you remember it could be your mantra - 

Jesus loves me - this I know - for the bible tells me so.  

Yes Jesus loves me.  

Pause and let those words remind you that Jesus loves you with a rich, deep, powerful, life giving, life changing love. And to him you are worth it even if you don’t think so. How does that make you feel?  Talk with Jesus about it. Pause and pray! 

Prayer and Blessing

Lord Jesus, 

We are just blown away by how much you love us.  How much you love me.  And to be honest I can’t get my head around it.  It is so much easier to blame myself and those like me for your death.  And i know as i listen tomorrow to the story again, I will want to weep and shout and plead.  I will beg forgiveness.  But Lord you don’t blame me.  You love me.  Lord how can that be?

Who am I that you care for me?  Lord the psalmist was so right - what is man that you care for him?  Lord, in this messed up world, where we hurt each other so readily with our words and our actions help us love one another.  In our grief and loss, touched by the sorrow of death and struggle, Lord may your deep abiding love for us enable us to reach out and comfort one another without prejudice or judgement.  This week reminds us more than any that we are equal in the sight of God.  None of us are worthy of the love you have shown and yet that love took you to the cross.  That love let you overlook our stupidity, our stubbornness, our arrogance and pray those immortal words - Father forgive them.  

Lord and teacher may we known as the church of the towel and the bowl, worried not about our dignity and status, loving without limit.  Lord and teacher may we known as the church that forgives even when we are betrayed, excluded or crucified.   Lord and teacher may we known as the Church that would be truly worthy to be your bride.  

As we look towards Golgotha may we focus on your love that we might truly appreciate your sacrifice and truly rejoice at the empty tomb.  In your name we pray.  

Bless us this night with peace and love, 

and open our eyes to the opportunities to love with towel in hand! 

And the blessing of God almighty, rest upon you and remain with you now and forevermore.  Amen

Holy Week Wednesday - Bread and Betrayal

Today’s prop is a slice of bread - not for eating.  

 Reading: John 13:21-33, 36-38

Reflection:

For whom the bell tolls...a dark phrase that sums up where we are heading.  Can you hear them ringing in the background?  Deep and sonorous the bell rings faintly but the closer we get to Friday the louder we hear it.  This journey is fixed, planned and everything is in place.  Today the bell tolls and Judas and Peter feel it resonating.  One of them will respond willingly to its call, the other - well the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.  

Jesus knows.  How heartbreaking to know that someone you have journeyed with over three years will be the one to hand you over to the authorities.  Despite everything Judas saw and experienced over the years, the miracles, the teachings, the welcome to outcasts and the healing of common folks, and still for thirty pieces of silver he would turn his back on Jesus.  Jesus knows and Judas knows that Jesus knows.  How heartbreaking for Judas.  Why didn’t Jesus stop him?  We paint Judas as evil and the author says that at the point the bread is dipped and given to Judas Satan enters Judas.  We know that Satan had promised to return - at the end of the time in wilderness the devil left in order to return. Did his presence harden Judas’ heart like Pharaohs was hardened against the Israelites?  

For Jesus the bell tolled as Judas took the bread and then left. For us bread is a strong symbol of life.  We break bread at communion as Jesus did at the last supper.  We know that Jesus is the bread of life.  John focussed not on the last supper but the washing of the disciples feet.  But bread still features - Jesus gave the bread of life to Judas and he took it and left, going out into the night.  The wee aside that it was night reminds the reader that Jesus had spoken that those who walk in the darkness will surely stumble and fall.  

Too many of us know the feeling of betrayal, or perhaps the feeling of being let down.  The disappointment, the sorrow, the pain cuts deep and healing can be a long road.  I don’t want you to lose yourself in the past but for a moment try and remember the feeling rather than the cause.  

Before this week ends all who gathered together, all those feet he washed will have scattered in fear.  Break up your piece of bread into smaller pieces as you ponder the relationships that are breaking for Jesus around this dinner table. Pause and spend a little time at that table from the perspective of Jesus, knowing the pain he felt. 

Keep your bread pieces safe because you will need them again shortly. 

As Jesus sits at the table, his disciples shocked at the revelation despite the heavy hints Jesus has been dropping all night.  Honestly these guys do not do subtle!  But sometimes we just don’t want to believe the truth before our eyes.  We ignore it so readily.  This time last year none of us wanted to believe that this virus would be a serious threat to our country, indeed our world.  It was seen as a problem elsewhere but in the early days we operated with a little arrogance and the age old ‘it’ll never happen to me’.  Hindsight is awesome but where would we be if we had taken it more seriously and accepted the truth. 

And so Peter’s betrayal is hard but we accept it because it was ever so human.  If Judas’ betrayal was motivated by greed or zeal, then Peter’s was self-preservation.  He just wasn’t ready to die.  And we all fake it from time to time.  Bluff, appearing more confident than we actually are.  But Jesus knew that Peter, loud and loyal as he was would also betray him.  How heartbreaking to know one of your dearest friends would deny he even knew you.  For Jesus the bell tolls as he tells Peter - ‘I am telling you the truth: before the cock crows you will say three times you do not know me.’  Spoiler alert but this is exactly what happens. 

Betrayal happens for any number of reasons.  We don’t even always know why.  But it can come from anywhere.  

The one on the fringes who never felt he belonged - for greed, spite, zeal;

The one who was right at the centre of it all - for self-preservation;

The people who were his own but they received him not - mob rule;

The leader who should have defended the innocent - fear of loss of control

The religious authorities who should have known the truth - fear of losing power

None of us are innocent and we cannot lay the blame at one doorstep.  From the inner circle of friends to the furthest reaches of religious and civil law - Jesus was betrayed. 

Yet the only one called a betrayer is Judas.  Did he have a choice? He was certainly capable of great regret so remember he is human. And when it comes to Peter, well we are all capable of good intentions.

When it comes to our faith journey how many good intentions have you got?  Reading your bible every day, prayer times, quiet times, learning more about faith through study, getting involved in worship or community support, loving others especially those who have hurt you, actually loving yourself and so on.  That list is not exhaustive. Take a moment to consider how Jesus, the bread of life nourishes us.  That in the breaking of bread we are reminded that we are forgiven.  Share with God your good intentions.  Be prepared for him to call you out on them but it is not the end of the road if he does. Remember on Peter, God built his church.  Peter didn’t set out to betray Jesus, and Jesus promises that Peter will follow him a little later.  Our good intentions are genuine just sometimes like Peter a little impossible to keep right now! Give God a chance to help you focus on the right ones. Keep it real.

Tomorrow we find the heart of Holy Week as we explore love.  Even in the midst of the angst and the darkness creeping in, Jesus will bring light and love.  God is present even as the bell tolls louder. 

I encourage you to take your broken bread and scatter it in your garden, your park, the church garden - symbolic of how the friends of Jesus scattered.  Ask God to help you stay present as we go into Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, even though it is hard.  For we know that even in the hour of darkness comes the hour of glorification.  We still have hope.  

Prayer

Forgiving God, we come into your presence deeply humble because we know we are full of good intentions.  We make promises like Peter.  We promise we will show up for you but then we get distracted.  And before we know it the opportunity has been and gone.  And we promise to do better in the future. 

Lord, may we truly repent of our sins, weeping like Peter as the cock crowed the third time.  May we appreciate the hurt and the damage our sins do to you.  We are so grateful for your endless mercy and yet like the woman caught in adultery - forgiven but sent with the words ‘go and sin no more’.  Forgive us our sins and with the psalmist we pray:  Create in me a clean heart. 

As we draw ever closer to Good Friday, we pray for the wisdom to understand and the empathy to draw alongside the characters, not looking for bad guys and heroes but seeing human beings.  Confused, complicated, challenging people just like us.

We pray for those we have hurt, the friends, the family, the colleagues we have let down.  For the times we didn’t show up or we looked the other way, whether through fear, self-preservation or greed.  

And hard as it may be we pray for those who have let us down, who have betrayed us.  We know that some will like Judas and there will be no repair to relationships but Jesus, let there be peace and healing in our hearts.  Others are like Peter, and we pray for the grace and courage to allow relationships to heal.  May we be willing to build bridges not walls, just as your cross is a bridge between heaven and earth. 

Lord as you love us, forgive us, welcome us, may we extend love to others, especially those we struggle to love because of pain, disappointment and betrayal.  Lord, may your church be known as a place of healing, forgiveness and love, not anger, conflict and pain.  

In the name of Jesus who cast light into the darkness and glorifies God we pray.  

Lord bless us with your presence, that we who betrayed you are still welcomed, loved and forgiven by the Holy God.

God loves you very much. 

May you be blessed and in turn be a blessing to all whom you meet. 

And the blessing of God almighty, Father, Son and Holy Spirit rest upon you and remain with you now and forevermore. Amen