Today’s prop is a slice of bread - not for eating.
Reading: John 13:21-33, 36-38
Reflection:
For whom the bell tolls...a dark phrase that sums up where we are heading. Can you hear them ringing in the background? Deep and sonorous the bell rings faintly but the closer we get to Friday the louder we hear it. This journey is fixed, planned and everything is in place. Today the bell tolls and Judas and Peter feel it resonating. One of them will respond willingly to its call, the other - well the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
Jesus knows. How heartbreaking to know that someone you have journeyed with over three years will be the one to hand you over to the authorities. Despite everything Judas saw and experienced over the years, the miracles, the teachings, the welcome to outcasts and the healing of common folks, and still for thirty pieces of silver he would turn his back on Jesus. Jesus knows and Judas knows that Jesus knows. How heartbreaking for Judas. Why didn’t Jesus stop him? We paint Judas as evil and the author says that at the point the bread is dipped and given to Judas Satan enters Judas. We know that Satan had promised to return - at the end of the time in wilderness the devil left in order to return. Did his presence harden Judas’ heart like Pharaohs was hardened against the Israelites?
For Jesus the bell tolled as Judas took the bread and then left. For us bread is a strong symbol of life. We break bread at communion as Jesus did at the last supper. We know that Jesus is the bread of life. John focussed not on the last supper but the washing of the disciples feet. But bread still features - Jesus gave the bread of life to Judas and he took it and left, going out into the night. The wee aside that it was night reminds the reader that Jesus had spoken that those who walk in the darkness will surely stumble and fall.
Too many of us know the feeling of betrayal, or perhaps the feeling of being let down. The disappointment, the sorrow, the pain cuts deep and healing can be a long road. I don’t want you to lose yourself in the past but for a moment try and remember the feeling rather than the cause.
Before this week ends all who gathered together, all those feet he washed will have scattered in fear. Break up your piece of bread into smaller pieces as you ponder the relationships that are breaking for Jesus around this dinner table. Pause and spend a little time at that table from the perspective of Jesus, knowing the pain he felt.
Keep your bread pieces safe because you will need them again shortly.
As Jesus sits at the table, his disciples shocked at the revelation despite the heavy hints Jesus has been dropping all night. Honestly these guys do not do subtle! But sometimes we just don’t want to believe the truth before our eyes. We ignore it so readily. This time last year none of us wanted to believe that this virus would be a serious threat to our country, indeed our world. It was seen as a problem elsewhere but in the early days we operated with a little arrogance and the age old ‘it’ll never happen to me’. Hindsight is awesome but where would we be if we had taken it more seriously and accepted the truth.
And so Peter’s betrayal is hard but we accept it because it was ever so human. If Judas’ betrayal was motivated by greed or zeal, then Peter’s was self-preservation. He just wasn’t ready to die. And we all fake it from time to time. Bluff, appearing more confident than we actually are. But Jesus knew that Peter, loud and loyal as he was would also betray him. How heartbreaking to know one of your dearest friends would deny he even knew you. For Jesus the bell tolls as he tells Peter - ‘I am telling you the truth: before the cock crows you will say three times you do not know me.’ Spoiler alert but this is exactly what happens.
Betrayal happens for any number of reasons. We don’t even always know why. But it can come from anywhere.
The one on the fringes who never felt he belonged - for greed, spite, zeal;
The one who was right at the centre of it all - for self-preservation;
The people who were his own but they received him not - mob rule;
The leader who should have defended the innocent - fear of loss of control
The religious authorities who should have known the truth - fear of losing power
None of us are innocent and we cannot lay the blame at one doorstep. From the inner circle of friends to the furthest reaches of religious and civil law - Jesus was betrayed.
Yet the only one called a betrayer is Judas. Did he have a choice? He was certainly capable of great regret so remember he is human. And when it comes to Peter, well we are all capable of good intentions.
When it comes to our faith journey how many good intentions have you got? Reading your bible every day, prayer times, quiet times, learning more about faith through study, getting involved in worship or community support, loving others especially those who have hurt you, actually loving yourself and so on. That list is not exhaustive. Take a moment to consider how Jesus, the bread of life nourishes us. That in the breaking of bread we are reminded that we are forgiven. Share with God your good intentions. Be prepared for him to call you out on them but it is not the end of the road if he does. Remember on Peter, God built his church. Peter didn’t set out to betray Jesus, and Jesus promises that Peter will follow him a little later. Our good intentions are genuine just sometimes like Peter a little impossible to keep right now! Give God a chance to help you focus on the right ones. Keep it real.
Tomorrow we find the heart of Holy Week as we explore love. Even in the midst of the angst and the darkness creeping in, Jesus will bring light and love. God is present even as the bell tolls louder.
I encourage you to take your broken bread and scatter it in your garden, your park, the church garden - symbolic of how the friends of Jesus scattered. Ask God to help you stay present as we go into Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, even though it is hard. For we know that even in the hour of darkness comes the hour of glorification. We still have hope.
Prayer
Forgiving God, we come into your presence deeply humble because we know we are full of good intentions. We make promises like Peter. We promise we will show up for you but then we get distracted. And before we know it the opportunity has been and gone. And we promise to do better in the future.
Lord, may we truly repent of our sins, weeping like Peter as the cock crowed the third time. May we appreciate the hurt and the damage our sins do to you. We are so grateful for your endless mercy and yet like the woman caught in adultery - forgiven but sent with the words ‘go and sin no more’. Forgive us our sins and with the psalmist we pray: Create in me a clean heart.
As we draw ever closer to Good Friday, we pray for the wisdom to understand and the empathy to draw alongside the characters, not looking for bad guys and heroes but seeing human beings. Confused, complicated, challenging people just like us.
We pray for those we have hurt, the friends, the family, the colleagues we have let down. For the times we didn’t show up or we looked the other way, whether through fear, self-preservation or greed.
And hard as it may be we pray for those who have let us down, who have betrayed us. We know that some will like Judas and there will be no repair to relationships but Jesus, let there be peace and healing in our hearts. Others are like Peter, and we pray for the grace and courage to allow relationships to heal. May we be willing to build bridges not walls, just as your cross is a bridge between heaven and earth.
Lord as you love us, forgive us, welcome us, may we extend love to others, especially those we struggle to love because of pain, disappointment and betrayal. Lord, may your church be known as a place of healing, forgiveness and love, not anger, conflict and pain.
In the name of Jesus who cast light into the darkness and glorifies God we pray.
Lord bless us with your presence, that we who betrayed you are still welcomed, loved and forgiven by the Holy God.
God loves you very much.
May you be blessed and in turn be a blessing to all whom you meet.
And the blessing of God almighty, Father, Son and Holy Spirit rest upon you and remain with you now and forevermore. Amen
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