The Confession of An Over-Achiever

The Confession of An Over-Achiever

What I know about psychology could be written on the back of a postage stamp, so please take the following as anecdotal and personal.  

This lockdown is a real struggle for ‘over-achievers’.  How do we do something when we are so limited and restricted, especially if furloughed or work has shifted from people focussed to desk duties? How do we manage the guilt of not doing things?   A number of folks I have spoken to are stuck doing the admin work that they have avoided consistently - like data entry!   And then if you have children at home there is the joy (and frustration) of school work.  Encouraging the children to sit at the table and do subjects they have no intention of doing in school (going into S3), or the relentless boredom of maths revision and spelling sucking the life out of the youngest (primary), whilst you are trying to work feels like Sisyphus pushing the boulder up the hill again and again.  

Then there is the frustration of work that has changed overnight. For me, suddenly keeping in touch with people has become less about gathering together as supporting individual households, learning how to be a natural on screen(!) and finding technology to help rather than hinder.  Yet the real challenge for ‘over-achievers’ is that they need to be seen.  The affirmation that comes from people recognising all their hard work.  It’s not for praise as such or indeed glory.  It’s more complicated than that.  It is about a sense of purpose and place, of worth and value.  The ‘over-achiever’ will always go looking for something to show that they are doing something.  

My name is Sarah and I’m an ‘over-acheiver’.  Growing up I always felt I had to achieve in order to be seen, or if I did something ‘cool’ the school bullies would leave me alone. It is a constant battlefield because being an ‘over-achiever’ is exhausting, and generally means that you find it incredibly difficult to let stuff lie.  I can’t just iron a few items, I have to empty the basket.  So as an over-achiever how do I handle lockdown?  I am running 157km in May to raise money for the Church.  I felt the need to do something, and of course, it is something visible.  It is commendable and certainly worthwhile.  

And yet constantly I live in fear of not doing enough and what people might think of me or by extension the church.  That’s some level of arrogance perhaps, but it’s not meant as that.  It is the fear of failure or letting others down or leaving a negative impression.  So often the ‘over-achiever’ isn’t looking for praise but affirmation - that they are doing enough, doing the right stuff, that they are worthwhile. You will often find ‘over-achievers’ are incredibly busy people who are always trying to please everybody! 

So how can faith talk to the ‘over-achiever’...? The scripture that comes to mind is Paul talking with the early Church in Corinth - a place full of ‘over-achievers’ in a culture that encouraged that style of life.  

Paul says: I planted the seed, and Apollos watered it. But God is the One who made it grow. So the one who plants is not important, and the one who waters is not important. Only God, who makes things grow, is important. The one who plants and the one who waters have the same purpose, and each will be rewarded for his own work.

I am God’s child, and to be honest that is my core identity.  And he is the one person I don’t need to ‘show off’ to.  He loves me, and he calls me to be Sarah. And then he puts people in my life to share the adventure.  From family and friends, to a congregation and community, to colleagues near and far, I am surrounded by people who want to build a better world with me.  We are all in this together, each playing our part, for example, whether it is shielding at home to protect our health and limited resources, or simply staying home to slow the spread, or stacking shelves as fast as possible or caring for the dying whilst wrapped in PPE - all of us count.

And then there is God himself. As we continue through the Easter season we are reminded that death is defeated, that life has won, that evil is squashed and good has overcome.  Yes, we live in troubled times.  Some like to say the war is won but the skirmishes continue.  But God is over all, and through him all things are possible. He, who created the world in its intricate beauty, and saw that it was very good, also works in partnership with human beings to care for it.  Even God values the relationship of collaborative working.  God is in it with us, and will lead us through the valley of the shadow of death.  

I have learnt over these past couple of years, that sharing the responsibility of my calling with God and with others is key to living a healthy balanced life.  And I know that this is an on-going learning curve.  And when I start worrying that I’m not doing enough, I remind myself (again and again) the Church already has a Messiah! 

God loves you, and you are doing amazingly well.  Play your part, no matter how insignificant it might feel, knowing that you have saved lives, helped angels (in PPE) and contributed to the healing of communities and neighbourhoods.  That is no small achievement! 

God bless you! May you know his peace and presence with you.

Love Sarah